Fair and Balanced Cat News
First off, I'm a college student currently studying physics, and a right-wing Bible thumping Republican neocon who listens to Rush Limbaugh in order to be told what to think about the issues of the day. With respect to cats, this means that I a), make points using thought experiments that involve cruelty to cats in the tradition of the physicist Erwin Schrodinger, and b) I like them better once they've been converted into oil. Plus, I am a male, so after watching this video, I have really come to hate cats. I also find it funny when people put kittens in glass jars. Therefore, I think that I am the most qualified person on Pererro to lead an objective discussion on news regarding cats.
A Two-legged cat was returned to its owner after being stolen from a Florida vet's office. I generally don't like two-legged cats. That's two legs worth of oil that can't be extracted from it. Two legs, however, would make it easier for it to fit in a glass jar, so it would have some advantage as a bonsai kitten.
Here's an article about Tigers. They're being pampered at a zoo, which, hopefully will make them real big and fat so that when they die, they can make lots of oil to fuel the SUV that I will buy when I make thirty grand from selling the oil that I used dead cats to make. Tigers might pose a problem if you do indeed decide to place them in a glass jar, as the jar may run the risk of breaking from the pressure exerted by the tiger's growth. Tigers also kill people, so the best way to deal with them is to catch all the wild ones and raise them in zoos until they get big enough to be turned into oil. Once they are needed, they will be domesticated and never go extinct, like cows.
Killing a cat just for it's skull, on the other hand is sick. We are in no position to be allowing some guy to kill cats for his twisted fantasy of having a cat's skull in his collection. Don't people understand that we have an energy crisis? They're killing cats for fun while the price of gas goes up, hurting SUV sales and causing the poor capitalists at Ford and General Motors have their stock reduced to junk status. The man should have ground up the cat after he shot it, and taken it to a biofuel company like Changing World Technologies who will gladly turn it into biodiesel. That, in my objective opinion, would have been the honorable thing to do.
Anyway, that's all the cat news I have for now. Hopefully, you found my cat commentary to be objective, fair, and balanced. Don't do drugs.
Update: A cat gets drywalled by it's owners. It's hard to believe the degree of irresponsibility the owners displayed in not keeping track of their cat. If the hadn't found the cat, it would have died there and rotted, its remains going to waste when it could have instead gone to help the poor capitalists at Ford and GM.
A Two-legged cat was returned to its owner after being stolen from a Florida vet's office. I generally don't like two-legged cats. That's two legs worth of oil that can't be extracted from it. Two legs, however, would make it easier for it to fit in a glass jar, so it would have some advantage as a bonsai kitten.
Here's an article about Tigers. They're being pampered at a zoo, which, hopefully will make them real big and fat so that when they die, they can make lots of oil to fuel the SUV that I will buy when I make thirty grand from selling the oil that I used dead cats to make. Tigers might pose a problem if you do indeed decide to place them in a glass jar, as the jar may run the risk of breaking from the pressure exerted by the tiger's growth. Tigers also kill people, so the best way to deal with them is to catch all the wild ones and raise them in zoos until they get big enough to be turned into oil. Once they are needed, they will be domesticated and never go extinct, like cows.
Killing a cat just for it's skull, on the other hand is sick. We are in no position to be allowing some guy to kill cats for his twisted fantasy of having a cat's skull in his collection. Don't people understand that we have an energy crisis? They're killing cats for fun while the price of gas goes up, hurting SUV sales and causing the poor capitalists at Ford and General Motors have their stock reduced to junk status. The man should have ground up the cat after he shot it, and taken it to a biofuel company like Changing World Technologies who will gladly turn it into biodiesel. That, in my objective opinion, would have been the honorable thing to do.
Anyway, that's all the cat news I have for now. Hopefully, you found my cat commentary to be objective, fair, and balanced. Don't do drugs.
Update: A cat gets drywalled by it's owners. It's hard to believe the degree of irresponsibility the owners displayed in not keeping track of their cat. If the hadn't found the cat, it would have died there and rotted, its remains going to waste when it could have instead gone to help the poor capitalists at Ford and GM.
posted by Justin at 9:20 PM
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